It’s an odd feeling, the emptiness that I succumb to at times. I don’t feel fear, anger or anything close to a visceral emotion. It’s blank, no other way to describe it. I say that it’s odd, but that’s based on my perception isn’t it? Day after day passes where major occurrences such as work, food, sleep just happen in the background while happiness, purpose, interest, and self-worth happen in the foreground. I forget from time to time that I have nothing to complain about. The life that I’ve made for myself is more than reasonable. I’m clothed, sheltered, fed and I even have a job.
On the surface, anyone would perceive that I should be content. I would say the same if I observed someone else in my rather large shoes. That’s the perception of it. But it’s merely on the surface; if you look closely though it’s not your typical spiel. It’s great to not need anything and to survive well beyond the required means. But, is it just a deadline? Where you start your life, years pass by and then your life ends?
It isn’t that. I’m certain of that.
People around me seem fine and busy with their own intricacies. Some of them genuinely are beyond that scale of thought. They are so content with their life that they don’t stop to think or they are so distracted by the distractions that they make for themselves that they don’t stop to think.
What I’ve come to learn about myself is that once I work on something that has my undivided attention, I do not wander or waver; my mind just stops thinking about anything else. It’s fantastic! I have found one piece of the puzzle, what’s remaining is the countless number of corner pieces.
So, what’s left to ponder is the thing that will get my undivided attention. My Holy Grail, my Arc of the Covenant, my Apple of Eden, you get the point.
I will leave you with a question,
What is your uncertainty?