Sorry doesn't cut it.
I screamed at a person last night. A person that I've come to care about deeply in a short amount of time.
It happened when I was talking to her about a matter that we both felt strongly about. What started as an opinion turned sour and bitter. As the last words left my mouth, I hadn't realised it. I let my emotions get the best of me. The person didn't say anything in response. They cut the call.
Without sensibility, sensitivity and humanity, I messaged her asking why she cut the call. Fuck. As I write this, reflecting on what I did last night night, I feel shame. I feel regret.
But regret wouldn't even do justice to what I'm feeling.
To be brutally honest, I know what I'm feeling. I don't know why I hesitated to write it.
I feel that I shouldn't have existed. I shouldn't have been present in this person's life.
When we spoke on the phone again, that's when I realised what I had done.
I made her cry. I caused great sadness to the person I care about.
God. I'm such a fool. Sorry doesn't cut how I'm feeling right now.
What started as this -
Has now become this -
I don't deserve beauty in life. I sully it.